Brothers and sisters, it’s been a long time since I’ve posted at BCC, and I won’t lie to you: the neglect has been due to a lack of will and a lack of inspiration. But something’s been bothering me for a long time, and I’m finally going to write about it here because I’ve hit the breaking point. I can no longer pretend that I support the status quo. There’s something wrong in Mormondom, and it must change.
I’m not talking about the Activity Days program itself, although goodness knows its shortcomings are legion. But baby steps, first things first: that name, “Activity Days,” is a horrible, stupid name for a program. Yes, the program itself desperately needs improvement. Activity Day leaders across the church do their best, working with miniscule budgets and almost zero guidance. But I think the name itself demonstrates why the program is so substandard. What a slapdash affair that planning meeting must have been. 
“So eight-year-old boys have cub scouts, but eight-year-old girls have nothing. People are starting to notice. We should probably implement a program for the girls of the church age 8-11.”
“Good idea. Something like cub scouts, but obviously not cub scouts.”
“Right. But not too much like cub scouts. We need to avoid gender confusion.”
“Well, it definitely can’t be Girl Scouts. They’re commies.”
“I heard they have an abortion merit badge now.”
“Whatever we end up doing, it’ll have to be inexpensive.”
“Oh, I know—how about the ward has someone—say, one of the sisters–be in charge of planning an activity for all the Primary girls age 8-11, say, once a month?”
“The activity should be wholesome and fun, but also gospel-oriented in some way.”
“Wholesome, fun, gospel-oriented. But feminine.”
“My only concern is that cub scouts have weekly den meetings. Do you think anyone will notice that the girls are only meeting once a month?”
“Good point. Let’s have them meet twice a month to head off any criticism.”
“Is this too much for just one woman per ward? Maybe there should be two sisters in charge?”
“Maybe, but not more than that. We don’t want it eating up too many resources.”
“This is going to be so great for our girls. All we need is a name.”
“Yes, I suppose we’ll need to call it something.”
“Yeah, or no one will know what to write on the calendar.”
“I don’t know. Doesn’t seem very descriptive.”
“’Junior Relief Society’?”
“Oh! I’ve got it. So, they’re having activities, right?”
“On two days of the month.”
“So—we call it…‘Activity…Days.’”
“Let’s pray about it. Remember to bless the refreshments.”
Actually, as I recall, once upon a time the program was called “Achievement Days.” This was before I had daughters of my own. I may be mistaken. I may have imagined the whole thing. But the memory is so vivid. I remember because at some point I noticed that people were now calling it “Activity Days,” and I couldn’t help wondering what the crap was wrong with “Achievement Days.” Was the word “achievement” too ambitious for a program geared toward girls? Too Girl Scout-esque? Too achieve-y? Were our female Valiants getting uppity notions about all their “achievements”? Was “achievement” too hard to spell, taking up too much space on people’s calendars? If so, why on earth would they change it to “Activity Days”? “Activity” has one more syllable than “achievement” and it says absolutely nothing about the purpose of the program, except, well, that they’re supposed to have activities…on days.
That’s stupid. Seriously, I know the church is bad at naming stuff. Everyone wants to know what the heck a Mia Maid is supposed to be.  At least “Mia Maid” is distinctive, even if you don’t know what it is. If they named the Young Women groups the way they named Activity Days, Mia Maids would be called “The Middle Ones.”
The worst part is that it leads to so much redundancy. “What activity are we doing for Activity Days?” “What’s the Activity Days activity?” “What day is Activity Days?” “You have Activity Days today.” “We can’t meet on Wednesday because that’s Activity Days day.” “What Activity Days activity is today?” It’s awkward and annoying.
Also, it’s very bad from a missionary perspective. “Would you like to come to my Activity Days activity?” Instead of saying, “Oh, that sounds interesting, tell me more,” people be like, “That’s the most non-descript invitation I’ve ever received to anything anywhere. What’s wrong with your church?”
Is this what we want for our girls (and our potential girls)? No. We need a better, snazzier name for our program for 8-11-year-old girls.  Something distinctive and/or aspirational that is easily translated into other languages and that does not use the words “activity,” “eight-to-eleven,” “girls,” or “days.”. I don’t know what it should be. I’m not a “creative” type. All I know is that “Activity Days” sounds ultra-lame, and I’m sick of saying it. Who has a better idea?
One of you has to have a better idea.
 I know this isn’t how things actually went down. I don’t actually know how things actually went down. I’m having a little fun, but also making a point: namely, that “Activity Days” is a stupid name. Please don’t miss the point in your zeal to explain to me the history of Activity Days.
 Actually, “Mia Maid” is properly “MIA Maid”: MIA as in “Mutual Improvement Association” and “Maid” as in “young girl.” Not that anyone cares.
 And the 8-11-year-old boys in areas where there is no Boy Scouts program. If that’s any motivation.