Apparently there are some super-boring videos on the YoobTube these days in which some LDS Church leaders are overhead using the term “Church Broke.” This has inevitably led to much speculation about the true meaning of the term, and Steve and I decided the time was right to seek revelation on the matter. Unfortunately, the inspiration didn’t clarify the phrase in question, but instead just highlighted many other forms of being Broke that we humans are likely to encounter during our mortal sojourn.
As always, these rankings are authoritative.
- Whedon (“No, seriously! I loved Age of Ultron”)
- Apple (“Stop saying that Apple made the iPhone bigger and then smaller and then bigger and then smaller and then rounded and then squared and then rounded!”)
- Android (“Seriously, it’s so great to be on an open platform!”)
- Canada (“Our healthcare system is great!”)
- Utah (“This place is totally diverse!”)
- Stake (“I love sitting in a dark chapel on Saturday afternoon in my church clothes while someone shows powerpoints about trends in home teaching reporting!”)
- Nintendo (Seriously it’s sad when your Nintendo breaks.)
- Mission (“Maybe we should just go tracting, I guess?”)
- Carmex (Ever notice that if you use Carmex regularly then stop suddenly, your lips basically turn into withered husks and die?)
- Defend the Family (“The world is trying to destroy my family. Yes, mine in particular. In fact, my marriage is worth less now because two men got married.”)
- Financial (“Let’s pay 11% this month!”)
Steve: 2. In N Out Burger (“I swear, I like the fries!”)
Scott B.: fries are fine; it’s the shakes that only broken people will defend
Steve: Their fries are gross and their milkshakes are – fine –
Scott B.: smdh. Those shakes are disgusting
Steve: Not good shakes, but – fine –
Scott B.: not fine. terrible
Steve: Do you like milkshakes normally?
Scott B.: yes! Honestly, their shakes are the only shakes I’ve ever had where I truly regretted it
Scott B.: their fries are great if they are fresh. they just decay at an exponetial rate. So if you eat in-store, they’re fine. if you get take-out, they’re awful.
Steve: I see their fries as their true Achilles heel. Even fresh they are bland and chalky.
Scott B.: YOU’RE BLAND AND CHALKY