Things We’re Doing to Avoid Thinking About Donald Trump, Ranked

Are you tired of Donald Trump? Tired of hearing about him? Tired of reading about him? Tired of arguing about him with your weird Uncle Rick? Yeah, same goes for me. And Steve, too. But also tired of coming to the realization that being tired of it isn’t an option, because it’s important? Yeah, us too.

As always, these rankings are authoritative.

  1. Retreating to Facebook & Twitter, where no one ever mentions him.
  2. Repeating to myself, “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
  3. Thinking about murdered puppies because it seems less awful.
  4. Taking longer and longer trips to the Fringe Universe.
  5. Home Teaching.
  6. Yelling at family members for no apparent reason, then sobbing quietly in the shower with the water turned on to mask the sound
  7. Rapping that song from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze while using my blender to make a smoothie.
  8. Sustaining the family or whatever.
  9. Comparing Immortan Joe’s skin blisters to Baron Harkonnen’s to see who has more.
  10. Nothing. Nothing works. Life has become an unbearable political hellscape and I long for a quick and painless death to escape this torment, also have you seen how expensive the Nintendo Switch is, that’s so much, but I really love Zelda games.

_____________________

Rejected Entries:
*Getting extra guacamole from Chipotle until there is nothing but guacamole, only guacamole matters and I will stare at this bowl of guacamole for all time.
*Playing Boggle.

Comments

  1. In between bouts of caring about anything at all, I recommend Bob Ross videos.

  2. I laughed. Then I cried. You’re right. Nothing helps.

    I’m an English teacher. When I read today that his Secretary of Education pick plagiarized her written answers, I thought to myself, “That doesn’t even make the top ten things I’m most appalled over. Geez.” How many days has it been? 12? Make it stop. Please, make it stop.

  3. Seriously, the promise of a new Zelda game is all that’s keeping me grounded right now.

  4. Boggle doesn’t seem like such a bad alternative, actually.

  5. Avoiding thinking about him is how he became POTUS in the first place. Most of us, including myself, thought he had zero chance of winning…so we didn’t ‘worry’ about him. I won’t make that mistake again.

  6. Bob Ross. Good call.

  7. Bob Ross is on Netflix. Literally the only thing there that my wife and I can agree to watch together.

  8. I can’t believe it took Donald Trump to get you to think about Home Teaching. He really is making America great again! ;)

  9. Today my husband sent me a link to an article stating that there is a severe bacon shortage. This year just cannot get any worse.

  10. Aussie Mormon says:

    Hooray. A new list. I just had to post this before I even read the article. I like the BCC lists.

  11. Aussie Mormon says:

    At least one betting agency (paddypower) is giving 11/10 odds that Trump won’t complete his first term. How do people people about President Pence?

  12. #5 is missing “…while wearing denim cutoffs.”

  13. A thing I’m legitimately doing is watching an episode of West Wing (my current Netflix bingewatch) right before falling asleep and hoping I dream that I am in a different reality in which Bartlett is president and we are all still listening to The Cranberries. I really come alive in my sleep these days.

  14. Praying for RBG. Wondering if there is a way to send a thank you card to the people in Alaska. Maybe Maine too. Losing it over Horton Hears a Who (the book, y’all). Eating my Cheeto puff fears. Saving my congressman and senators digits in my contacts. Composting. Googling Mr. and Mrs. Obama for new vacation photos. Googling 2018 elections. Hashtagging #refugeeswelcome everywhere.

  15. Layne–

    Never-nudes FTW. Excellent reference.

  16. I’m going to china next week, where I blessedly won’t have access to social media or email. Really looking forward to it.

  17. Amy, losing it over “Horton Hears a Who” seems appropriate. Dr. Seuss wrote it after visiting Japan. It was a bit of a wake-up call making him feel bad about all his anti-Japanese sentiment during WWII. Sigh.

  18. Mary Ann. I’m losing it all over again, but I believe you have found the answer: EVERYONE needs to go visit Japan.

  19. Not reading BCC….oops!

  20. This list seems to be missing…
    * Sucking our pacifiers
    * Hiding in closets
    * Searching for our long lost Teddy Bears
    and possibly
    * Lighting stuff on fire on college campuses

    Seriously though… Good list. Dune hasn’t crossed my mind in far too long. Now I have an activity for the night.

  21. Isn’t there a Dune remake on its way? Think of all the ways we can start obsessing about that!

  22. Hey guys, never nudity is no laughing matter. It is an unrecognized psychological disorder that effects dozens of people — dozens!

  23. This post spoke to my heart.

  24. Ignore him at your own peril. The man is insane, and I don’t mean that metaphorically.

  25. You left off “eating chocolate.” It really should be on that list. Also, considering de-friending half of my immediate relatives both on Facebook and in real life.

    Thanks for the list. With the republicans changing all the long standing rules of how things work I needed a bit of humor.

  26. Seems like you people have been watching too much cnn!!

  27. Rigel Hawthorne says:

    Making sure my bald-spot coverage never resembles ‘trump-do’

  28. MS Solitaire. Lots and lots of Solitaire.

  29. Amy,
    I like your praying for RBG, even though many of her decisions seem to have minimal basis in the US constitution. Maybe praying for the other 7 justices is good too. If the confirmation hearings for Gorsuch get extremely partisan or personal, I can see either Kennedy or Thomas or both deciding to retire and really stick it to the crazy opposition senators.
    Leona,
    Yeah, a little plagiarism from a lowly second tier department secretary (nominee) is not near as big as what we have already seen from higher level people. Oh… you are talking about the actions and policies of the Trump administration. Plenty of change going on in the past 2 weeks for sure.

  30. Here are 4 things TO say to a Trump supporter:
    1) I love you.
    2) We can believe different things and still be close.
    3) I trust you to do what is best for you.
    4) I want you to be happy.

    And a couple of things TO say to a Trump opponent if you are a Trump supporter:

    1) I love you.
    2) We can believe different things and still be close.
    3) I trust you to do what is best for you.
    4) I want you to be happy.

    plus
    5) What can I do to support you right now?
    9) I can’t imagine how hard this has been for you.

  31. I took up watching the Utah Jazz again so I would have something else to read besides politics. Also, I’m waiting impatiently for the Switch and Zelda to arrive.

  32. Everything about this list is awesome, but the Litany on Fear is seriously one of my favorite bits of writing. I’ve considered getting a tattoo of it. (Either that or “O that I were an angel….”

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