Trek Re-Enactments We’d Like to See, Ranked

It’s summer! It’s time to dust off the pioneer clothes! It’s time to walk some miles with carts! It’s time for well-intentioned stake leaders to pretend to be a mob and wake you up in the morning with gunfire! It’s time to explain in Sacrament meeting that you “get” your pioneer ancestors now! It’s TREK SEASON!

Steve and I were thinking about this and considered what sort of Trek Re-Enactments we’d really like to see.

As always, these rankings are authoritative.

  1. A transporter accident causes a General Authority to be replaced with his Evil General Authority twin.
  2. Reginald Barclay tells Deanna Troi that her outfit turns her into living pornography.
  3. Data forgets to report his hometeaching from Stardate 41254.7.
  4. Captain Sisko threatens to toss the Ferengi missionaries out of the nearest airlock.
  5. Reginald Barclay seems despondent after Deanna Troi gets a normal Starfleet Suit.
  6. Keiko O’Brien complains to Miles that she’s the only woman in Starfleet Elder Riker hasn’t tried to hit on.
  7. Cmdr Joseph Smith of the Nauvoo faces off against the unscrupulous trader, Harry Mudd.
  8. Wesley Crusher forgets to wear a belt when passing the Sacrament for the first time.
  9. Worf defends his family by systematically assassinating each enemy of the house of Martok.
  10. While under the influence of a Bajoran orb, Jake Sisko discovers the fabled wagonload of Nephite plates on Talerian IV, each plate made of gold-pressed latinum and written in Reformed Klingon.


Rejected Entries:
*Everyone is assimilated by the Borg and it looks an awful lot like Stake Conference.
*Kira and Odo discover that their love is forbidden by The Family Proc.
*Kirk vs the Gorn.


  1. Shaka, when the walls of Zarahemla fell.

  2. Scott B. says:

    Actually, it was the “walls around the MTC” that fell, and all of the Elders and sisters fled to Applebees.

  3. I’m pretty sure every design used for a Klingon hand weapon was ripped off a BC Rich guitar, BTW

  4. Good one

  5. Kirk orders Spock to slingshot the Enterprise around the sun, warping time and taking the crew back to 1970. At phaser-point, the President is forced to grant national monument status to the Oregon Trail, including the Mormon Trail branch. This prevents tens of thousands of anachronistically dressed young Mormons from obliterating the remnants of the original Trail, and the sound of great rejoicing can be heard echoing across future decades.

  6. A Turtle Named Mack says:

    Q revealing himself as one of the Three Nephites.

  7. Q instructs Data to hate the sinner, love the sin.

  8. Data: Captain, I believe I have successfully modulated the shadow of our doubt. Shields of faith are holding.

  9. John Mansfield says:

    So, not the one where Khan is played by Sherlock? Or the one where Kirk reenacts a WWII submarine hunt movie against a U-boat captain with pointy ears?

  10. never forget says:

    Reginald Barclay tells Deanna Troi that her outfit turns her into living pornography.

    I died laughing.

  11. Christopher Lewis says:

    I object to #4 because the philosophies of Trek, mingled with the Expanse. You might as well have gone full BSG.

  12. Angela C says:

    Reginald Barclay is hired by the BYU Testing Center.

    Tasha Yar is excommunicated for her forbidden relationship with an android, albeit a “fully functional” one. Also for sucky acting.

  13. Holodeck malfunctions, you are forced to survive the temple ceremony as Satan and Professor Moriarty try to kill you.

  14. The Borg are revealed to be resurrected celestial Mormons.

  15. A plague of tribbles being eaten by seagulls?

  16. Related and not related: driving past White Elegance a few years back, summer time, banner sign hanging out front on the facade of the building that said “Trek costumes” and I immediately thought, “Why is White Elegance selling Star Trek costumes?”

  17. The fact that “Trek” has become an institution in Utah to be commercially exploited is one of those things that makes those of us who grew up in “the mission field” roll our eyes very, very slowly.

  18. Scott B. says:

    Don–solid suggestion. I thought about the Tribbles episode, but couldn’t think of a good twist on it. Your idea should have been obvious.

  19. Scott B. says:

    “I immediately thought, ‘Why is White Elegance selling Star Trek costumes?'”

    I’ll answer your question with a question: Do fake-pioneer youth of today not need to uphold standards of modesty and white=purity-ness?

  20. Not a Cougar says:

    APM, amen, amen, and amen.

  21. Major Winchester fights an unjust law that says he must join the High Priests Group because he has turned 60, and a new MiaMaid rejects the idea that she must suffer heat exhaustion in the desert because she has turned 14.

  22. Mike 9:44:

  23. I wonder how many “trek” reenactors are aware that, 7000 miles away, groups of Young Communists in the People’s Republic of China are doing nearly identical reenactments of the Long March. (Or at least used to do it through the ’90s; I suppose the Communist Party has realized how stupid these kinds of exercises are and dropped them.)

  24. This is literally the nerdiest thing I have ever read.

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