Bigs, Ranked

Do you ever feel like Big Industry is just out to get you? Like all the dang time? Steve and I sure do. And trust us–there are a LOT of Bigs out there to beware of.

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
Steve Evans: We need to rank something. Something BIG.
Scott B.: Bigs, Ranked.

    1. Big Battery.
    2. Big Priestcraft.
    3. Big Halloween Candy (in bed with Big Ward, of course).
    4. Big Auto Repair.
    5. Big Women’s Razor Blade Cartridge.
    6. Big Mattress.

Steve Evans: Seriously have you ever had to buy a mattress? Infuriating. Totally a scam.
Scott B.: Oh yeah. Recently bought a new one. Had to empty the savings account, much to BIG BANK‘s displeasure.

    1. Big Conspiracy.
    2. Big Textbook.

Steve Evans: Holy cow Big Textbook is SUCH A SCAM. “No, you need the 2017 edition of the Riverside Shakespeare because it’s so different from the 2016 edition.”
Scott B.: It’s really just an offshoot of Big Conspiracy. Everyone knows that Big Bookstore, Big Textbook, and Big 9th Edition are in bed together.
Steve Evans: They are in CAHOOTS!

    1. Big Defend The Family.

Steve Evans: I don’t even know what Big Defend The Family is, but I instantly know it’s real and I’ve experienced it.

    1. Big Movie Theater Concessions.

Steve Evans: Don’t get me started about movie theater concessions. Does your local theater do the thing where you can buy a plastic popcorn bucket and refills are incrementally cheaper?
Scott B.: SORT OF. But it’s worse, because Big Expiration Date and Big Plastic got their nasty fingers in there, so the Plastic Bucket Deal EXPIRES every 6 months down here!
Steve Evans: For Your Safety, I’m sure.
Scott B.: Big Faux-Concern!

_____________________
Honorable Mentions:
Scott B.:  Any honorable mentions?

*Big Stainless Travel Mug.

Steve Evans: Seriously, Yeti, Contigo, and Stanley are in CAHOOTS.

*Big Internet.

Steve Evans: COMCAST CAN SUCK IT.
Scott B.: Oh, BIG ISP is definitely evil.
Steve Evans: It’s not even a fake thing, either.
Scott B.: Big ISP is working with Big Video Game and Big Streaming Video to screw over the little guy.

*Big Holiday.

Steve Evans: We just got steamrolled by Halloween and now we’re gonna get steamrolled by Thanksgiving.
Scott B.: Yes. All under the shady, shadowy umbrella of Big Marketing.

Comments

  1. Honestly, how did you miss the City of Biggs?

  2. And Big Data. Hello? Any CS folk out there?

  3. If only you could have thought of a big building somewhere where big groups of people could meet in big gatherings, and maybe have a big choir singing big music, you could have added that to your list.

  4. A Turtle Named Mack says:

    Big Priesthood – represents the consolidation of all priesthood into a monopoly run by men, for the enrichment of men, and the marginalization of women.

  5. The only actual threat to any of us is Big Review Aggregator. It has us by the throat and it’s far too late for us to escape.

  6. One vote for the Bigs in Big Brother, Big Sister. If that counts.

  7. Big Lebowski?
    Big (Tom Hanks Movie)?
    Big Lots?

  8. Is there any relationship between Big and Bigly?

  9. Emily, no.

  10. Aussie Mormon says:

    It was THIIIIIIS big.

  11. Big Star. The people’s big.

  12. Biggs Darklighter?

  13. Big Bigly?

  14. Paul Ritchey says:

    Biglerville. Don’t go there.

  15. Big Apple. Don’t go there. The National Apple Museum is in Biglerville.

  16. You guys get big points for this one

  17. Th Other Brother Jones says:

    Big Love!

  18. Aussie Mormon says:
  19. Has it ever bothered you that Big Pineapple seems to have a complete monopoly on airline food offerings?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s