People at BCC Who Should Not Rank Things, Ranked

Steve woke me up with an early-morning text message yesterday. He was in a state of shock and panic because someone–some “Carolyn“–had apparently ranked something at BCC. I didn’t take his message seriously at the time, because I didn’t believe anyone would dare trespass on my intellectual property. I was wrong!

  1. Stapley. For the love of all that is holy, keep this fella away from the rankings. Stick with food science and shifty notions of “cosmological priesthood,” okay?
  2. Michael Austin. Can we come to a mutual understanding that you’ll just keep your Sauron-eye focused on sensible posts about the importance of mutual understanding? Cool.
  3. Kristine. No one wants to read “Red Sox Factoids, Ranked.”
  4. Cynthia. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but
    if (a == b) {

    is not actually interesting.

  5. Tracy. Good grief, can you even fathom what an absolute nightmare “Grateful Dead/Poetry Mashups, Ranked” would be?
  6. Anyone who hasn’t been at BCC for, like, a decade. Munch on your “avocado toast” and leave the heavy lifting to the veterans.
  7. Russell. Honestly, every single take RAF has ever offered is crap.
  8. Anyone who refuses to Defend the Family.
  9. Steve & Scott, because they’re morons.
  10. Carolyn.

Honorable Mentions:

  • Brad Kramer. Once he starts, he’ll never stop.
  • John C. Doesn’t he live in, like, Japan now?
  • Peter LLC. Corporations are not people, and only people should rank things.



  1. You got #1 an #2 reversed.

  2. Accusations of errors in my rankings will not be tolerated.


  4. Scott B’s next post: The best ranking posts at BCC, ranked.

  5. Hahahahaha best post ever.

  6. LOLZ.

  7. Brunson. Religious Tax Exemptions Commonly Overlooked by Atheists, Ranked

  8. Yay! I can rank things!

  9. Michael Austin says:

    Without some sort of intelligent ranking system, how am I supposed to know whether this crapulent nonsense was written by a “Phil-a-stine” or a “Phil-a-steen.”

  10. Such rank rankings are appropriately appreciated.
    Thank you.

  11. I’ll take this as a sign I should come back, at least to rank Brexit options: 1. Remain. End.

  12. Are you suggesting that the ranking is rankling?

  13. Let us put aside this ranker rancor.

  14. Mmm…avocado toast. See? Corporations can express human things too!

  15. Who is Scott B? He is not “ranked” as one of the authors at BCC.

  16. John Mansfield says:

    Homecoming was a month ago. Tonight are the regional finals, winners to go on to state semi-finals.

  17. Hahaha. Here is a defininitive ranking of how apologetic I am:

    [this space intentionally left blank]

  18. Will ever be able to go to some kind of playoff, or will we always have to put up with this interminable BCCS?

  19. Is it possible there might be three different rankings embedded in the top rank?

  20. #4 is quite possibly the most truthful thing Scott has ever written, and I am deeply honored to have provided him with the occasion for rising to such soul-burning honesty.

  21. Good to live an unrestricted life!

  22. I see I survived the purge, but probably only because the risk of me posting anything is so very low.

  23. Why is “”avocado toast”” in ” “?

  24. This whole stupid post is rank errantry, or errant rankery. Maybe both.

  25. An LLC is NOT a corporation (duh).

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