BCC Labs presents: Bibliolatry

We here at BCC Labs are always innovating, aspiring, prognosticating, and masticating in order to provide you with the spiritual and apotheotic materials you need to succeed in eternal life. You may have recently heard someone say that “demanding revelation from God is both arrogant and unproductive” and then said to yourself, “Wait, that really seems to have no foundation in scripture!” Well, if this describes you, you are now in luck as BCC Labs is happy to provide you with a host of scriptural passages, parables, and proof-texts to support this new approach to continuing revelation. See below:

7 Ask not, so we shall not have to give to you; seek not, as what you have found is sufficient; knock not, that we shall not have to open unto you:

8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened, and no-one wants to have to deal with that.

9 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, won’t give him a stone?

10 Stones are useful. You can make houses with them or smaller rocks. Be happy with stones.

The Book of Gunnar 7:7-10

10 Wherefore, brethren, seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand. For behold, ye yourselves know that he counseleth once and then the matter is resolved. The Lord doesn’t like to repeat Himself, so accept what you are told.

The Book of Allan 4:10

1 And he spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray until they shouldn’t anymore;

2 Saying, There was in a city a judge, which feared God:

3 And there was a widow in that city; and she came unto him, saying, Tell me of my mother.

4 And he would not: and afterward he said within himself, Because I fear God;

5 Because this widow troubleth me, I will quiet her, lest by her continual coming she convince me to upset God.

6 And the Lord said, Hear what the just judge saith.

The Book of Roy 18:1-6

11 Have you stopped to think that maybe stones are all your Father can give you? Making bread takes work and patience. It also takes yeast (sometimes). Do you know what yeast it? Microbes doing it! Do you want “doing it” microbes in your food? That’s so gross.

The Book of Gunnar 7:11

23 And Abraham drew near, and said, Wilt thou also destroy the righteous with the wicked?

24 Peradventure there be fifty righteous within the city: wilt thou also destroy and not spare the place for the fifty righteous that are therein?

25 That be far from thee to do after this manner, to slay the righteous with the wicked: and that the righteous should be as the wicked, that be far from thee: Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?

26 And the Lord said, Are you questioning my notion of right and wrong? You get that I’m God, right? I determine the right and the wrong. They do the icky gay stuff in Sodom, so they all have to die.

27 And Abraham answered and said, Ok. Good point. I’m just going to go now.

Coprogenesis 18:23-27

12 Have you maybe considered that these are special rocks? They are for special people! They demonstrate how much your Father thinks of you. You only think you want bread. What you really need to do is embrace the stone, find all the ways it improves your life. Edible food is for losers; stones are for your Father’s elect.

The Book of Gunnar 7:12

10 In the midst of this war of words and tumult of opinions, I often said to myself: What is to be done? Who of all these parties are right; or, are they all wrong together? If any one of them be right, which is it, and how shall I know it?

11 While I was laboring under the extreme difficulties caused by the contests of these parties of religionists, I was one day reading the Epistle of David, first chapter and fifth verse, which reads: If any of you lack wisdom, that is according to God’s schedule, he gives when he is good and ready, and upbraids; ask too soon and “it” shall be given you.

12 Never did any passage of scripture come with more power to the heart of man than this did at this time to mine. It seemed to enter with great force into every feeling of my heart. I reflected on it again and again, knowing that if any person needed to keep their questions to themselves, I did; for how to act I did not know, and obviously it was best that I probably never know; for the leaders had said this wasn’t something I should look into.

Marion Harris – History 1:10-12

28  And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will sprinkle lightly my spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and your daughters shall receive confirmation of what they’ve already heard, your old men shall not have to learn more, your young men shall see church-approved media:

29 And also upon the servants and upon the handmaids in those days will trickle my spirit.

The Book of Lamar 2:28-29

13 I mean, seriously? Why are you asking for bread when stones are the best you can have? Diamonds are stones, technically. I think. So basically you are turning down diamonds because they aren’t bread. Where is the sense in that?

14 Fine, fine. I get that you feel like I’m rigid and not listening. But I can be flexible! Can I interest you in a serpent?

The Book of Gunnar 7:13-14

BCC Labs: supplying delight to the delightsome since 2004 or so.

Comments

  1. Applause applause applause

    Also,
    “And whatsoever they shall speak [when moved upon by the Holy Ghost]* shall be scripture, shall be the will of the Lord, shall be the mind of the Lord, shall be the word of the Lord, shall be the voice of the Lord, and the power of God unto [exaltation. And if you can’t take it then you’re just going for this ninny salvation stuff which is totally beautiful and generous but Satan’s plan].

    *optional. Especially when speaking to women, LGBTQI+ individuals, single persons, anyone outside the United States, anyone inside the United States, and persons whose lived experience, gut response, suicidal triggers, or personal revelation do not align—and when contradicting the previous speaker.
    Also, don’t commit suicide.

  2. UTManMI says:

    And let’s not forget the Servant in the Vineyard who agreed that the trees should just but cut down and burned (Jacob 5), or Nephi when he picked up a sword and went to war because who wants to die of a famine when you can cut some arms off (Helaman 10-11).

  3. Thank you! This humor is exactly what I needed this morning. And FPDR, that was brilliant. Best. Disclaimer. Ever!

  4. Okay, I just looked up the talk and found that he also said, “Reason cannot replace revelation. Speculation will not lead to greater spiritual knowledge, but it can lead to deception or divert our focus from what has been revealed.”

    This, of course, is about the most ironic argument to make in a talk about Heavenly Mother, whose existence is affirmed by…

    “In the heav’ns are parents single?
    No, the thought makes reason stare!
    Truth is reason; truth eternal
    Tells me I’ve a mother there.”

  5. 1 And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there:

    2 And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage.

    3 And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine.

    4 Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come.

    5 His mother saith him, of course, nevermind.

  6. This is outstanding. I feel so enlightened. And the comments too: so edifying. Reminded me of this favorite:

    13 And they brought young children to him…and his disciples rebuked those that brought them.
    14 But when Jesus saw it, he was much delighted, and said unto them, little children are insufferably arrogant; wherefore, attaboy, Simon Peter! Good on ya, Sons of Zebedee.
    15 For behold, my kingdom is an exclusive, limited-access place. Don’t be letting people get any crazy ideas.

    Yes, I’m pretty sure that’s how that story goes…

  7. Don’t forget the sweet and simple truths taught in primary songs:

    Pray, he is there;
    Only He is list’ning.
    Though you are his child;
    His love is conditional.
    She can’t hear your prayer;
    She’s busy birthing children.
    Of such is the kingdom.
    Don’t you want this heav’n?

  8. 25 And he said unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which be Caesar’s, except Religious Liberty, for that is a Shibboleth unto you.

  9. y’all so great ! :)

  10. the marion Harris thing was super great

  11. Jacob H. says:

    Would note the summer 1839 discourse of Joseph Smith (https://www.josephsmithpapers.org/paper-summary/discourse-between-circa-26-june-and-circa-4-august-1839-c-as-reported-by-william-clayton/) – “It is the privilege of the children of God to come to God and get revelation”

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