I might as well tell you about the only time I ever deliberately stole something. The theft just so happened to take place on the exact day that I met my future husband, though he has nothing to do with why I did it. (Not consciously, anyway. <— Ha! That is going to be mildly to moderately funny when you find out what I stole!)
Twelve years ago my friend Lianna pulled me aside in a panic at her wedding reception. A garter! She’d forgotten a garter! How would her groom’s older brother ever get married if he didn’t catch the garter at their wedding?? Luckily I, an otherwise respectable young Mormon woman, somehow knew exactly where the nearest lingerie shop was, so I enlisted my friend Christa to keep me company and we set off for Naughty or Nice, determined to save the day.
We quickly located a suitable specimen and made our way to the register where the cashier handed me a receipt to sign and motioned toward the pen jar. Well, imagine my surprise and supreme delight to there discover a veritable hoard of Bic pens with tiny plastic penises on top! They were flesh-colored and everything!! I gingerly made my selection, signed the receipt, and would have returned the pen to its holder had the cashier not at that exact moment turned her back to fold some unmentionables.