Rough Draft Commandments, Ranked

Ranking stuff in sets of 10 seems normal and natural for us now, but that’s because we have thousands of years of conditioning that all started with the very first list of Stuff, Ranked–the 10 Commandments. Since Moses went up the mountain, mankind has continually ranked things in sets of 10 (though most of these rankings are non-authoritative and therefore wrong). But you probably didn’t even know that the 10 Commandments were actually the result of a negotiation between God and Moses; God wanted to give more commandments; Moses didn’t want to carve too much stuff in rocks. That’s right, folks–the 10 Commandments are just a compromise of divine counsel and human laziness. Had Moses not been so adamant, we would have had a much longer list of commandments, and the history of ranking stuff would have been fundamentally different. Steve and I aren’t sure exactly how many commandments were in the original draft, but we know it was at least 21. We also don’t know whether revealing these missing commandments causes them to be binding on all mankind for the rest of eternity.

As always, these rankings are authoritative. [Read more…]

People in the Book of Mormon, Ranked

You know what is a pretty good book of scripture? The Book of Mormon. It has some great gospel teachings in it. You know what else it has in it? People–lots of them! Some people in the Book of Mormon are really important, and some people are sort of forgettable. You’ve probably wondered who is the most important, and Steve and I sought revelation on this very matter.

As always, these rankings are authoritative. [Read more…]

Codes, Ranked

After the snot-nosedness from some of the commenters last week–suggesting that The Process is somehow non-revelatory in nature–Steve and I decided that you’ll no longer be treated with clear insights into how stuff gets Ranked. Anyway, all of the talk recently about Honor Codes led us to seek inspiration on the true ranking of Codes.

As always, these rankings are authoritative. [Read more…]

Councils, Ranked

We’re going to give you a peek into The Process today: How stuff gets ranked. I’m going to lift the veil of secrecy and show the names of who lists what, and how we hash out our differences, with time stamps and everything. You won’t be disappointed.

As always, these rankings are authoritative. [Read more…]

Things About Candy That Make Me Mad, Ranked

It’s been a long time since we ranked stuff! I apologize for that! With our ranking muscles kind of flabby, Steve and I had a pretty hard time ranking stuff today. Here are some of our failed efforts before we finally found our stride today:

  • Things That I’m Stressed About, Ranked

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Stuff I’d Buy If I Won The Lottery, Ranked

Because we know you’re all playing the LotteryBall tonight, Steve and I thought we’d put together a short list of what we plan to buy when we win tonight.

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
[Read more…]

The BCC Hall of Fame

During 2015, BCC turned 10 11 years old. BCC is not a band–trust me when I say that it is NOT for lack of trying–but if it was, it would be time for a Greatest Hits album. Is much of what is found in the archives of this blog garbage? Probably. Are there some things that are worth remembering? Certainly. But this post is not about any of that stuff. No, this post is about the elite. The very best. The Posts Whose Calling and Election Has Been Made Internet Sure. The Only Comments With Which The Steve Is Well Pleased. My Internet Brothers and Sisters, we henceforth establish the By Common Consent Hall of Fame. [Read more…]

How Many Days It Will Take Until It Feels Okay To Crack A Joke Again, Ranked

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
[Read more…]

I Have A Question: Can You Break Commandments in the Holodeck?

Our semi-regular feature at BCC, in which we answer questions from our readers and then Rank stuff. Have a question you want us to answer? Send us an email!

Your questions have been burning a hole in our inbox. We must answer.

If I’m walking across the BYU campus in the morning when the national anthem plays over the speakers, do I really have to stop walking and put my hand over my heart?

[Read more…]

If You Like Trunk-or-Treats You Probably Don’t Have a Testimony

Because it is Halloween time again, I’ve decided to re-post this important message. The comments to this post are among the most beloved treasures in BCC history, and worthy of your consideration.

Holy crap Trunk-or-Treats are the worst thing in the world and if you believe Trunk-or-Treats are consistent with the Gospel, you are wrong.

E.T. Trick or Treating

What is the point of a Trunk-or-Treat, anyway? When I was a kid and this societal cancer first reached my awareness, I understood that it was born of concern about poisoned candies and apples with razor blades and other dangerous crap that Big Mom was worried about. It probably got its start from the movie E.T., when that punk Elliot didn’t come home on time and Gertie was going on and on to the police officer about her dad being in Mexico with his lover. Halloween + Adultery + Space Aliens = NO MORE TRICK OR TREATING. So, instead of sending the kids out on the streets at night like rational human beings, we line everyone up in a parking lot and distribute candy like it’s freaking Hamsterdam. [Read more…]

I Have A Question: What The Heck Is Canadian Thanksgiving, Anyways?

Our semi-regular feature at BCC, in which we answer questions from our readers and then Rank stuff. Have a question you want us to answer? Send us an email! Your questions have been burning a hole in our inbox. We must answer.

Hi Guys,

So, I’ve heard a lot lately, too much, really, about how I must, we must, one must Defend the Family. From you all too. But when I press for particulars I get either, you know, make my gay friends sad, hurt, and angry or else mumbled non-answers, and sideways glances. If I’m very lucky, I might get a tip o’ the hat to good ol’ fashion gender roles, but though everybody with a podium from the Tabernacle to the Bloggernacle seems to feel that the necessity of a good familial defense is a truth universally acknowledged, people are so, so cagey about the details. Moats? Zone? Alekhine’s? Groucho glasses?

Heed the counsel given in the war chapters of the Book of Mormon. [Read more…]

I Have a Question: Will Lame Talk Intros Ever End?

Our semi-regular feature at BCC, in which we answer questions from our readers and then Rank stuff. Have a question you want us to answer? Send us an email!  We can’t do this column without you.  Actually, I guess we could.

You can drop three hymns from the hymnbook, and you can add three hymns in their place. Which do you drop/add and why?

[Read more…]

I Have a Question: How do you get banned from speaking in Sacrament meeting?

Our semi-regular feature at BCC, in which we answer questions from our readers and then Rank stuff. Have a question you want us to answer? Send us an email!

What would someone have to say during a talk or testimony to get escorted off the stand and not allowed to speak again? I’m not talking blatantly speaking against the church or preaching false doctrine, but here are some hypotheticals: Talking too candidly about their own transgressions; outing another ward member on a serious transgression; direct MLM pitch over the pulpit; threatening to physically harm President Obama (I wonder if this one has occurred and gone unchecked); quoting an R-rated movie … with the attendant R-rated language.

[Read more…]

Stones, Ranked

What with all the talk of Seer Stones and Peep Stones and whatnot going around these days, Steve and I figured we had better set the record straight as to the proper ranking of stones.

John Stones, Everton Hero

John Stones, Everton Hero

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
[Read more…]

Minor Star Wars Characters, Ranked

It’s all Star Wars these days, guys!

Aunt Beru

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
[Read more…]

Opening Prayers, Ranked

Hi guys! It’s been awhile since we last ranked something. I’m starting to feel the itch. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGUgFU1Yx4E

Before we get underway, do we have any volunteers to say opening prayer?

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
[Read more…]

Things Eagles Do In Patriotic Art, Ranked

Yesterday was Memorial Day, but just because Steve and I weren’t ranking things on the blog doesn’t mean we weren’t ranking things in our hearts. Indeed, our text messages show that we both bleed red, white, and blue. Mostly just red and white, though, since Steve is a Canadian, and hates freedom. So I am really the only one with blood the color of a mountain sky over Kansas. But I have enough for the both of us.

MURICA!

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
[Read more…]

Houses, Ranked

Scott: some quality in here
Steve: it’s perhaps better than the ranking we have up now!
Scott: easily!
Steve: who cares, let’s post another one right now.
Scott: i’ll load it up

d&c109

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
[Read more…]

Reasons We Didn’t Rank Stuff This Week, Ranked

It’s been a busy week! So busy, in fact, that Steve and I realized we’d deprived the 27 people who still read this series of their guidance for maintaining order in their lives. We apologize, and offer this list of reasons we haven’t been ranking things like we should be.

ulrich von lichtenstein

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
[Read more…]

Things That Can Be Explained In The Following Six Important Principles, Ranked

Over the past few years, it seems like there are a lot of talks in GC in which the speaker introduces some specific challenge to living the gospel and then proposes a numbered list of principles to help explain how we can overcome said challenge. Steve and I were talking about this and concluded that there are still some things that need to be explained in this fashion.

First

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
[Read more…]

Things the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Should Not Wear, Ranked

Our coverage of General Conference has been spectacular over the past week, though definitely a bit different than the open threads we’ve hosted in years past. Admittedly, Steve and I found ourselves actually missing the commentary on the outfit selections for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir that were usually found in our GC open threads. Fortunately, we used this as our inspiration for this week’s rankings.

MoTab

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
[Read more…]

19 Times General Conference Was THE BEST, Ranked

Some people love General Conference! Some other people don’t love General Conference! Some people, like Steve and I, have experienced both highs and lows during General Conference. Earlier this week, we talked about the lows. Today, we’re going to talk about the highs.

President Monson

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
[Read more…]

23 Times General Conference Was THE WORST, Ranked

Some people love General Conference! Some other people don’t love General Conference! Some people, like Steve and I, have experienced both highs and lows during General Conference. Today, we’re going to talk about the lows.

1st Presidency GC

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
[Read more…]

Animals, Ranked

To some–notably John F.–ranking things is not a worthy endeavor. But Steve and I know better, and we know that ranking things is the responsibility of every Latter-day Saint as part of the building of Zion. It is part of our faith. Indeed, you could say that Steve and I follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things should be ranked, we hope all things will be ranked, we have ranked many things, and hope to be able to rank all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek to rank these things. If there are any things that aren’t like those other things, we seek to rank those things also. Today, Animals!

manimal

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
[Read more…]

Word of Wisdom Violations, Ranked

Are we reaching the bottom of the barrel? Are we running out of things to rank? A day may come when the supply of things to rank fails, when Steve and I forsake our weekly foray into meaningless listicle nonsense and break all commitments to carrying on this ridiculous tradition, but it is not this day. No, today we rank violations of the Word of Wisdom, in order of least to most sinful.

cooking wine

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
[Read more…]

Williamses, Ranked

Two (2) authoritative rankings in one week? Events over the past few days (i.e., we both happened to have 20 minutes free) have mandated that we do so, even at risk of shark-jumping accusations from our colleague by john f. This time, Steve and I settle a controversial topic that has plagued society for years: Who are the best Williamses?

ash williams

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
[Read more…]

Things Anonymous Will Reveal, Ranked

So did you all hear that Anonymous has threatened to take over LDS.org if the big JD gets the axe? I don’t want to play spoiler or anything, but the truth is, Steve and I have been running LDS.org ourselves for the past 3 years, and we can already tell you the dirtiest-dirt there is. Brace yourselves, folks–Shiz is about to get real.

lds.org anonymous

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
[Read more…]

Your Friday Xmas Present Thread

Here at BCC, we usually save talk of Christmas presents for after the big day, but I figured it’s Friday and we’ve spent most of the week talking about torture and financial transparency, so it might be nice to talk about something more fun.
SMB, Duck Hunt, WCTM

So, two questions:
[Read more…]

Things Financial Transparency Would Reveal About the Church, Ranked.

In response to Ronan’s recent post about financial transparency, Steve and I looked into our seer stones and decided to share a little bit of what would actually happen if the Church’s accounting books were made public. BRACE YOURSELVES!

fts
As always, these rankings are authoritative.
[Read more…]

Ghosts, Ranked

See, I personally believe that the time for ranking spooky things like ghosts is past, what with Halloween being just over a month ago now. But Steve was all like, “No way. Mormons love ghosts.” And I was like, “No, let’s do something more Christmasy!” and Steve was all like, “Dude, I’ll ban you unless we do ghosts!” and I was like, “Sheesh, bro. Whatever.”

christmas ghost
As always, these rankings are authoritative.
[Read more…]

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