Family – By Common Consent, a Mormon Blog

Reflections on Heartbreak and Choice

October 28, 2020 by Guest

Dear Brother Givens,

I came across your post on abortion today. I confess that I did not read it carefully because I am trying to be kinder to myself. From what I did read, you quote several writers and statistics, and ultimately ground your opinions in your own visceral reactions to abortion and especially the procedures used in the second and third trimester. I wonder, though, did you try to speak directly to any women who have had abortions? Did you read any firsthand accounts of abortions by women who do not regret them? Did you send out a call to your general female acquaintance to share their experiences with you? I guarantee that you personally know some women who have had abortions, though, given what you wrote, I am not sure they would have trusted you with their experiences.

Here is what I would have told you. I have been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from childhood. I served a mission. I have held many callings. I remained chaste until marriage and remain faithful in my marriage. And I had an abortion a few years ago on the first day of my fifteenth week of pregnancy.

On Terryl Givens and Abortion

October 20, 2020 by Sam Brunson

Yesterday Terryl Givens published what he characterized as “A Latter-day Saint Defense of the Unborn” at Public Square Magazine. He ultimately concludes that Latter-day Saints are obligated to oppose abortion and that there is basically no room for personally opposing abortion but supporting its legality and availability.

Givens seems completely sincere in his revulsion for abortion. But that sincerity has led him to pen (type?) a deeply misleading and unchristian jeremiad against his fellow citizens and fellow-Saints who take the opposite tack.

I’m not going to detail all of the factual and legal problems with his piece, though I will highlight a couple of what I consider to be the big problems. I’m also want to point out that the way he’s framed his argument undercuts any assertion that he makes it in good faith and that it demonstrates a huge lack of moral imagination.

Birthday, Baptism, Pandemic

August 20, 2020 by Sam Brunson

Drawing of a Mormon baptism ceremony, circa the 1850s. Public domain.

My son was supposed to be baptized a few months ago. His grandparents had tickets to come to Chicago. He was ready to invite his best friend from school and some other friends who, while not Mormon, have come to all of my kids’ baptisms to love and support them.

And then a global pandemic hit. My parents had to cancel their flight. The church shut down its meetings and its buildings. We worked to recover.

These days my son goes back and forth on when he wants to be baptized. He’d really like to wait until his grandparents can share the day with him but, because of age and health conditions, his grandparents can’t really travel here until there’s a vaccine and they’re able to get the vaccine. While we’re hoping for early 2021, who knows if it will happen before another birthday rolls around.

Which leads me to a question: what is the church going to do about these pandemic-delayed baptisms? [Read more…]

Filed Under: Children, Doctrine & Policy, Primary Tagged With: baptism, bishopric, child, covid-19, covid. coronavirus, missionary, pandemic

Religious Freedom vs. Public Interest (Working Women)

July 9, 2020 by Angela C

I dissent.

Let me start off by being clear that I am not a lawyer (on a blog with many lawyers). I have multiple decades of experience as a business executive in large corporations, overseeing the employment of thousands of people. As an executive, I understood very well what the applicable anti-discrimination laws were. Now that I’m a small business owner, I also recognize that many of those laws are not required for me, but based on my personal conviction and principles, I still run my business as if they do.

In a 7-2 decision, SCOTUS recently upheld a completely discriminatory ruling to allow employers (that are not directly affiliated with any church) to refuse to cover birth control in their employee healthcare plans. This decision rests firmly on a few shaky foundational assumptions: [Read more…]

Filed Under: Children, Church Programs, Current Events, Economics, Education, Family, Gender & Sexuality, Media, Mormon, Politics, Rants, Religion, Society & Culture, Theology, Doctrine & Policy, Women

Excluding Our Fellow Saints From the Sacrament

April 29, 2020 by Sam Brunson

In Illinois, we’re now halfway through our sixth week under a stay-at-home order (and my family’s seventh week at home). And the stay-at-home order looks like it’s going to last at least another month here. That means at least 12 Sundays in Illinois without meeting together at church (and, even when the stay-at-home order ends, some people may make the eminently responsible and defensible decision to continue social distancing, and delay their return to church).

Ultimately, I don’t think putting church meetings on hold is optimal. (To be clear, it’s both necessary and good. It’s just not ideal.) We need human contact, and we need the spiritual benefits that come from gathering together. That said, it’s necessary, and on net, saving the lives and the health of our fellow Saints is both beneficial and will bless us and them.

Still, this extended time away from church means that some people—single women and families without priesthood holders in the home, for example—won’t have the ability to take the sacrament for three months or more.

The church has made a tentative stab at recognizing the position these women and families are in. On April 16, the church provided instructions for administering the church during the pandemic. The instructions provide that “In unusual circumstances when the sacrament is not available, members can be comforted by studying the sacrament prayers and recommitting to live the covenants members have made and praying for the day they will receive it in person, properly administered by the priesthood.” [Read more…]

Filed Under: Current Events, Doctrine & Policy, Liturgy, Marriage, Modern Era, Modernly Revealed, Mormon, Theology, Doctrine & Policy, Women Tagged With: administer, coronavirus, covid-19, D&C 132, D&C 20, nauvoo, pandemic, polygamy, priesthood, sacrament, Scripture, witness, women

The Eighth Day

April 2, 2020 by Guest

Jennifer Champoux is a lecturer in art history at Northeastern University and vice president of Mormon Scholars in the Humanities.

The old and familiar patterns are disrupted. Some among us are facing serious health risks from coronavirus. Others are busy tending to the sick. Many are facing emotional or economic stress as we hunker down in our homes. Businesses are closed, schools shut down, and church meetings cancelled. The situation is grave. And yet, although our current condition seems like an ever-growing accumulation of limitations and endings, it might also be an opportunity to respond to life in new ways. Rather than a sad ending, this unprecedented time can be a hopeful beginning, a Sabbath-like time outside of time, and an unexpected break from the bustle of “regular” life offering a chance to refocus our priorities.

We tend to talk about the Sabbath as a time of rest at the end of something. Yet in the scriptures, the Sabbath is both an end and a beginning. In Genesis, God rested on the seventh and final day as an end to his work of creation (Genesis 2:1-3). But in Acts, the followers of Christ recognized the Sabbath as the first day of the week in remembrance of the day Christ was resurrected and as a symbol of new life (Acts 20:7). [Read more…]

Filed Under: Church Programs, Family, Guest Post, Mormon, Scriptures Tagged With: baptism, covid-19, eighth day, ministering, quarantine, sabbath, uncertainty

Domestic Violence and Coronavirus

March 22, 2020 by Guest

Laura Brignone Bhagwat is a Ph.D. candidate at the University of California, Berkeley where she studies technology and domestic violence. Her dissertation tracks a public health intervention in hospital emergency rooms meant to prevent intimate partner homicide.

Imagine yourself scared. Maybe you’re scared for your life; you’re definitely scared for your health and wellbeing. You’re probably scared for those around you, and scared for what your future holds. Imagine yourself terrified to go to the doctor, unable to secure your financial wellbeing. It probably isn’t that hard to do, as we’re all living in the age of the coronavirus.

Now, imagine that this coronavirus-like being lives in your house. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Current Events, Economics, Family, Guest Post, Health & Medicine, Religion, Science Tagged With: abuse, coronavirus, covid-19, domestic violence, hotline, rainn, support, upheavel, violence

I am hyper-social. I am social distancing.

March 15, 2020 by Carolyn

Last May I had an extended business trip that took me to the West Coast for twelve days (Los Angeles, then San Francisco, then Anchorage, then Seattle). While on business, I did what I always do: I looked up my friends in each city, individually texted them, and then scheduled every hour of free time as meals and visits to catch up. I shaved two or so hours off of my sleep schedule each day so I could pack in catching up with more friends.

I love people. One of my most persistent complaints is that there is not enough time in life to be best friends with everyone I think is amazing.

For my own curiosity on my flight back to D.C., I counted the number of friends I had “meaningfully” interacted with in that twelve day period. I defined “meaningful” as “engaged in conversation for at least one hour while hanging out in a group of four or fewer.” The answer was forty-seven. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Church Programs, Current Events, Family, Health & Medicine, Science Tagged With: affliction, coronavirus, covid-19, isolation, lds, love, Mormon, neighbor, plague, quarantine, services, sickness, social distancing

Handholding At BYU: Just For Temple Marriage?

March 4, 2020 by Sam Brunson

CES just issued a letter attempting to clarify its removal of the Honor Code section entitled “Homosexual Behavior.” To further clarify BYU’s position, its Honor Code office posted a Q&A, which included this:

Can members of our campus community who identify as LGBTQ or SSA be disciplined for going on a date, holding hands and kissing?
Elder Johnson in his letter counsels, “Same-sex romantic behavior cannot lead to eternal marriage and is therefore not compatible with the principles included in the Honor Code.” Therefore, any same-sex romantic behavior is a violation of the principles of the Honor Code.

This raises a handful of questions, and I’d love it if the BYU Honor Code office could answer them:

When I was at BYU (years and years ago), I learned about NCMO (non-committal make-outs). The non-committal part suggests that it cannot lead to eternal marriage. Therefore, is it not compatible with principles included in the Honor Code?
For that matter, most dates and relationships aren’t going to end up in eternal marriage. So is most heterosexual dating incompatible with the principles included in the Honor Code?
For that matter, hanging out with member of your own gender is unlikely to lead to eternal marriage. So are girls’ nights incompatible with the principles included in the Honor Code? How about guys hanging out playing Xbox?
What about members who date and marry nonmembers? Those relationships are at best unlikely to lead to eternal marriage. Is dating a nonmember incompatible with the principles included in the Honor Code?

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Marriage Tagged With: byu, Honor Code, LGBTq, ncmo

The Tear in the Narrative

February 15, 2020 by Guest

Daniel Chaffin is an Assistant Professor of Management at the University of Nebraska Kearney. He is a former bishop and loves backpacking, pickleball and is an aspiring foodie.

It was the day of my dissertation defense. I dressed in my best suit and strode into the Brick University Building early in the morning. I have always been an above average student – not remarkable, but above average and I felt cautiously optimistic. I had done my homework and prepared strategically. I sent multiple drafts of the dissertation proposal to my chair and my final draft to my committee, refined and perfected my PowerPoint slides, and brought food. As it was customary for a PhD student to feed his committee, both physically and intellectually, I was not going to disappoint on either front. I brought fruit, juice, coffee; I even brought spinach quiche. While there were some technical challenges as I skyped in an offsite committee member, it was nothing I couldn’t handle. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Doctrine & Policy, Family, Guest Post, Mormon, Religion, Theology

Hips Don’t Lie

February 3, 2020 by Angela C

I’m not a football fan. Like, I’m super not into it. I’m so not into it, I don’t even think I fully understood how points were scored until I was nearly graduating from college. I’m still a little unclear on the role of the kicker. I played in the Powderpuff game in high school, and I attended some high school games, but I don’t even think our home team ever won a single game. It was hard to get jazzed about a sport my home town was so bad at. As a result, I’m not a Superbowl watcher. But I have enjoyed watching many of the halftime shows (Prince, obviously, among others).

When I awoke this morning, it was to a Mormon pearl-clutching Twitter controversy about this half-time show. Here’s an example:

Room full of kids so we paused the halftime show to strategically fast forward and I didn’t wait long enough and we’re suddenly watching pole dancing and Abby is giving me the stink eye like I’m the choreographer.

— Spencer Cox (@SpencerJCox) February 3, 2020

Parenting, faith and vomit

January 21, 2020 by Guest

Rachel Allred lives in California and loves her husband, her two young kids, and ice cream (not necessarily in that order). She generally tries to make the world a more empathetic place.

I read Carolyn’s post on being terrified about having kids at 4am. I turned to BCC to help me stay awake just over halfway through my two-year-old’s five-hour vomiting marathon (20+ times). Fortunately he only woke up his baby sister twice. I’m responding to that post in bits and pieces while I’m home with that two-year-old and missing an important work deadline.* [Read more…]

Filed Under: Children, Family, Gender & Sexuality, Guest Post, Mormon, Women Tagged With: Callings, children, family, parenthood, vocation

What I Wish My Prophet Would Say

January 20, 2020 by Guest

Kenneth Merrill graduated from BYU with a degree in Philosophy and now works as a cinematographer in Los Angeles, CA. He’s married, with two boys, and in his spare time he likes to play music, rock climb, practice sleight of hand, and read/write—but mostly he just ends up staring at glowing screens.

It was a warm summer day in Long Island City, an area of Queens just across the river from Manhattan. My companion and I were on our way to an appointment in the Queens Bridge Projects when we stopped to talk to two older ladies on their way back home from the grocery store.

“Hi, I’m Elder Merrill, and we’re out here to tell people that we have a living prophet on this earth today. Would you be interested in hearing more about that?”

With frightening directness, one of the women turned to me and asked, “Oh really, a prophet? What’s he been prophesying lately?”

I probably stood slack-jawed for a decent 5 seconds before the next words tumbled uncontrollably out of my mouth:

“Drugs are bad.” [Read more…]

Filed Under: Current Events, Doctrine & Policy, Family, General Conference, Guest Post, Mormon, Science, Theology, Theology, Doctrine & Policy Tagged With: 2020, First Vision, general conference, love, prophet, revelation

The Meetinghouse and the Temple

January 13, 2020 by Guest

Michael Haycock has a bachelor’s from Yale and a master’s in religion from Claremont Graduate University. He currently serves as the Ecumenical/Christian Life Coordinator at Georgetown. Views are, of course, his own.

LDS theology is like the double helix of DNA, unzipped: it has two parallel strands that circle around each other, but which rarely connect.

On one strand rests the Meetinghouse, with much of the Christianity we received through scripture ancient and modern and which we share with much of Christendom.

On the other is the Temple, the divine anthropology of the eternal family, and eternal progression, which we hold unique among Christian faiths. [1]

I am convinced that much of the theological friction within the LDS Church is born of the gaps between these two theological strands, amplified by official near-silence on how to bind them together. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Anciently Revealed, Children, Doctrine & Policy, Family, Gender & Sexuality, Guest Post, Liturgy, Marriage, Modernly Revealed, Mormon, Religion, Scriptures, Theology, Theology, Doctrine & Policy Tagged With: Christ, Christianity, family, meetinghouse, ordinances, plan of salvation, Proclamation on the Family, sealing, temple, theology

I’m terrified about having kids.

January 6, 2020 by Carolyn

I just spent the holidays with family. I’ve been married a year. I’m approaching my mid-30s. And due to an unrelenting year at work, I’ve gained some weight. So perhaps unsurprisingly, the last few weeks have featured a conversational dance of hinted “are-you-pregnant” questions.

I’ve ignored the hints and laughed off the passing comments about future grandchildren. What I haven’t responded with is my honest answer: I’m terrified about having kids. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Children, Church Programs, Doctrine & Policy, Family, Gender & Sexuality, Health & Medicine, Marriage, Modern Era, Mormon, Relief Society, Theology, Theology, Doctrine & Policy, Women, Young Women Tagged With: children, faith, family, fear, Feminism, kids, Marriage, Proclamation on the Family

Thanksgiving: Welcome to the Adults’ Table

November 27, 2019 by Angela C

Image result for thanksgiving Thanksgiving has long been one of my favorite holidays. There are no gifts to buy, no decorations to put up, just a big delicious meal, and a nice long weekend after a light work week here in the US. The turkey coma is a bonus, and the leftovers are always amazing.

When we lived in Asia, because our kids attended the American school, a long holiday meant we had time to travel to other countries. Our first Thanksgiving in Asia was in Cebu, Philippines. We were on a youth temple trip, and we found a lovely German restaurant that boasted an authentic American Thanksgiving buffet. The food was mostly good, although one dish was labelled “candied potatoes.” It consisted of sliced fried potatoes covered in syrup and hard candies. It reminded me of the types of dishes we occasionally encountered in Asia that had nearly familiar names, but then were not what we expected at all. Our next Thanksgiving we were in Hanoi, Vietnam, and found a fantastic multi-course Thanksgiving dinner overlooking Halong Bay. That’s probably my favorite Thanksgiving of all time, mostly because I didn’t have to cook a thing, and the food was fantastic, even more than usual thanks to a dose of culinary home-sickeness. Plus, there was both ham and turkey. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Education, Family, Politics, Society & Culture

Women Witnesses for Ordinances

October 2, 2019 by Carolyn

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced this morning that women can now serve as witnesses for baptisms and temple sealings.

I’m thrilled about this change. As I wrote two years ago, the Church’s longtime refusal to let women serve as witnesses contradicted Jesus Christ’s own example of choosing women to be the first witnesses of his Resurrection. And as co-blogger Jonathan Stapley details, women as witnesses has long precedence in the modern Church as well.

This change matters. It’s not just a technical hand-waving exercise. Women witnessing our saving ordinances matter. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Church Programs, Doctrine & Policy, Family, Gender & Sexuality, Marriage, Mormon, Relief Society, Religion, Scriptures, Theology, Theology, Doctrine & Policy, Women, Young Women Tagged With: ordinances, primitive church, revelation, witness, witnesses, women

The Foot Shelf

August 12, 2019 by Angela C

About ten years ago, we were renovating our master bathroom, making the shower larger with a stone surround, and adding a big sunken garden tub (that literally has been used TWICE since we put it in, grrrr). As we discussed the options with the builder, he quoted a set amount to add a “bench” to the shower.

My husband, looking to save money perhaps, quickly said, “We don’t really need that. When do I ever sit in the shower?”

I interrupted to explain. “That’s not for sitting. I need a place to rest my foot when I shave my legs. It’s a foot shelf!” [Read more…]

Filed Under: Church Programs, Education, Family, Gender & Sexuality, Men, Mormon, Politics, Rants, Religion, Society & Culture, Women

“You have been scheduled . . .”

August 7, 2019 by Guest

Emily Jensen is a former BCC permablogger and friend of the blog.

“You have been scheduled to meet with XXXXX XXX for a meeting Tuesday June 18th at 7 p.m. for your ministering interview.”

“Your family has been scheduled to clean the church on Saturday, June 22nd at 8 a.m. Please meet with the XXXX family up at the church.”

Ok, hopefully this is only happening in my ward, but in case it’s not, let’s talk about the new, and dare I say, rude habit of scheduling people to do things in the church without first asking if they are even available. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Church Programs, Family, Guest Post, Mormon, Rants Tagged With: volunteering, voluntelling

What I Know

August 5, 2019 by Guest

Natalie Brown is a former BCC permablogger and friend of the blog. She is returning to graduate school this fall to write a dissertation on nineteenth-century writers’ experiences with home loss and displacement.

What I Know: The Power of Narrower Testimonies

As I sat down to pen my father’s eulogy, I drew a blank. How could I say anything that could adequately capture him, bring me solace and serve the needs of a community that was mourning? Words didn’t come, and so I prayed that the Spirit would tell me what to say. My answer came later that night as I listened to family tell stories of my father. Each of us saw a part of him: the spouse, the parent, the colleague, the friend. No single person saw the whole. This is what I realized: No one can tell the story of someone else’s life. It’s an impossible task, because we carry only our own sets of experiences. Each of our stories together, however, add up to something more. If there is a silver lining to a funeral, it’s the opportunity to see those stories come together to reveal a person even larger than we know. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Church Programs, Family, Guest Post, Mormon, Navel-Gazing & Poetic Observation, Religion Tagged With: Christian contemplation, eulogy, funeral, testimony

LGB Saints at Church: Some Challenges

June 29, 2019 by Guest

Michael is from a multigenerational Latter-day Saint family but has spent the majority of his life outside of the Mormon corridor. He’s not employed by academia but looks for opportunities to scratch his academic itch.

PREFACE

When the Church retracted the November 2015 set of LGB-related Church policies I felt relief, like taking a breath of air after too much time underwater. As the news sunk in, one common reaction I saw was would-be allies asking what everyday Latter-day Saints could do to make their LGBT brothers and sisters feel more welcome.

Most of the proffered answers to that question focused on changing doctrine, policy, and teachings. That is not my answer — or at least, not my starting point. I intend to adapt the question Neylan McBaine poses in Women at Church: “accepting the doctrines and policies we have in place in the Church today, how can we help improve [LGB]-cooperative practices on the local level so as to relieve unnecessary tensions caused by cultural or historically normative practices?” [Read more…]

Filed Under: Children, Family, Gender & Sexuality, Guest Post, Marriage, Men, Mormon, Women Tagged With: gay, lgbt, LGBTq, Pride, women

Clearance vs. Cancellation

June 26, 2019 by Angela C

From the Women’s Bible Commentary:

Deuteronomy prohibits the husband, who sought to secure for himself a cheap divorce from his spurned bride, from ever divorcing her. To our ears, this provision sounds appalling, binding a young girl for the rest of her life to a man who “hates” her. In patriarchal ancient Judah, where women’s social status and economic survival depended on membership in a male-headed household, the provision was probably intended to guarantee her security.

The Deuteronomic law relies on some assumptions that don’t match our modern interpretation of marriage:

Women in marriage are entitled to protection because they are unable to protect themselves.
Men in marriage are obligated to protect the women they marry because those women are otherwise unable to protect themselves.

In the iron age society of Deuteronomy, marriage entitles women but obligates men. Restricting men from abandoning their obligation is the objective of restrictions on divorce, not an intention to protect women from harm within the marriage relationship (which isn’t addressed), but to require men to protect women from a patriarchal society in which they have no standing or power and are financially and physically vulnerable. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Anciently Revealed, Church Programs, Doctrine & Policy, Family, Gender & Sexuality, Marriage, Men, Mormon, Scriptures, Society & Culture, Theology, Theology, Doctrine & Policy, Women

Book Review—Jana Riess, The Next Mormons

June 19, 2019 by Guest

Richelle Wilson is a PhD student in Scandinavian studies and comparative literature at the University of Wisconsin–Madison. She is a talk producer at community radio station WORT 89.9 FM and a member of Dialogue’s editorial staff.

When I first heard Jana Riess was undertaking research about Millennial Mormons, I was ecstatic. I couldn’t wait for this book to be released. Given the heightened sense of generational divide in America right now, thanks in no small part to deepening political polarization and an ongoing series of culture wars run amok, research like this is vital for the health of our communities.

The Next Mormons doesn’t disappoint. Riess writes in a clear, engaging style that is approachable to non-specialists and folks who don’t know much about Mormonism. In spite of its seemingly niche topic, I hope this book receives a wider audience since Riess’s findings are important and have broader implications for religion in 21st-century America. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Church Programs, Doctrine & Policy, Family, Gender & Sexuality, Guest Post, Mormon, Society & Culture Tagged With: book reviews, faith, jana riess, millennials, policy, revelation, sociology, women

The Unborn

May 17, 2019 by Angela C

The appointment of conservative justice Bret Kavanaugh has emboldened some states to take a run at challenging Roe v. Wade by putting forward legislation to outlaw abortion that is a deliberate overreach to force the issue in front of the Supreme Court.[1] From my own conversations with fellow ward members, one reason many LDS voters chose to elect Trump in 2016 is that they, like many social conservatives, vehemently oppose abortion and would like to see the overturn of Roe v. Wade.[2] However, LDS theology is not nearly as anti-abortion as many other conservative religions. Like many other platforms, this is one where both parties’ views are potentially consistent with the church’s stance. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Children, Current Events, Education, Family, Gender & Sexuality, Marriage, Mormon, Politics, Religion, Science, Society & Culture, Theology, Women

Love: A Proclamation to the World

May 15, 2019 by Guest

Today’s Proclamation is courtesy of best-selling author Mette Ivie Harrison.

I proclaim to my family of Latter-day Saints today that love is the organizing principle of the universe and that it is the most important value of all previous generations, all future generations, and of this generation. The pure love of Christ is the foundation of all that we do as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is what teaches us to find the divine in ourselves. It is what allows us to see ourselves and others more clearly. It is the only thing that enables us to become better people: kinder, more compassionate, more understanding, more expansive in our views, wiser, more learned, and more capable of serving others truly—without judgment or superiority. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Children, Church Programs, Doctrine & Policy, Family, Marriage, Mormon, Religion, TCoJCoLDS, Theology, Theology, Doctrine & Policy Tagged With: love, proclamation, Proclamation on the Family

Latter-day Saint Parents, Please Stop Apologizing for Your Child’s Wedding

April 26, 2019 by Guest

Emily B. grew up in New Hampshire but currently lives in Maryland, where she spends most of her time writing and teaching writing classes. She holds an MFA in Creative Writing from BYU and just finished a PhD in English at the University of Georgia. She and her husband have no children but two very spoiled cats.

Last summer while attending a conference for work, I met a woman from Utah, Trudy (not her real name). It was one of those contexts where we quickly figured out that we were both members of the Church and started chatting, just making small talk. Trudy asked if I had attended this conference before, and I explained that I had meant to attend the previous year but that my sister’s wedding plans had changed, preventing me from going. She then told me all about her adult children and her son’s upcoming wedding.

“Congratulations!” I said. “That’s exciting!”
“Well…” Trudy said, grimacing a little. She sighed.

Instantly, I knew what she was about to say. It’s a sigh and grimace I’ve seen on many occasions when a Latter-day Saint parent, or perhaps even a sibling, mentions an upcoming wedding. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Doctrine & Policy, Family, Guest Post, Marriage, Mormon Tagged With: Marriage, nonmember, sealing, temple, wedding

Personal Revelation and Sustaining Prophets

April 6, 2019 by Guest

Rachel Allred lives in California and loves her husband, her toddler, and ice cream (not necessarily in that order). She generally tries to make the world a more empathetic place.

I literally started crying in the cab Thursday. It was a Lyft. The driver asked if I was okay; I told him I was.

I knew The Policy was wrong. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. I felt like death when it was announced. My heart sank. My lungs filled with lead. My mind started screaming. My soul recoiled. I don’t know how else to say it. I was just completely numb. I walked around in a vaguely ragey, disbelieving fog for days.

That weekend in November 2015, my beloved husband and I (this was back when he went to church; I’ve wondered since if the policy was the beginning of the end) went to a thrift store to buy clothes with rainbow patterns. We specifically chose a thrift store whose proceeds are donated to LGBTQ support organizations. We wore our rainbows to church that Sunday. We went with subtle patterns. Too subtle, maybe, because we had to tell people that’s what we were doing, but I was playing the organ so at least some people noticed. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Children, Doctrine & Policy, Family, Gender & Sexuality, Guest Post, Marriage, Men, Mormon, Scriptures, Theology, Women Tagged With: exclusion, gay, LGBTq, policy, Prop8, prophets, proposition 8, sustaining

Heresy and Prophesy

April 5, 2019 by Carolyn

Humans are really bad at accurately identifying heretics and prophets. Christ preached as much (“no prophet is accepted in his own country”) — and was executed for it (“by our law he ought to die, because he made himself the Son of God”). Christ himself is both the world’s most renowned heretic and its greatest prophet.

It’s easy to confuse the two concepts because the definitions of heresy and prophesy mirror each other. They both hinge on the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

The Bible teaches that those who testify of Christ have the gift of prophesy. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints embraces this testifying definition of prophets.

St. Thomas Aquinas defines heresy as professing faith in Christ, while corrupting His Gospel. William Tyndale similarly explains that heresy springs “out of the blind hearts of hypocrites” who “cannot comprehend the light of scripture.” [Read more…]

Filed Under: Children, Family, Gender & Sexuality, Marriage, Men, Mormon, Theology, Doctrine & Policy, Women Tagged With: heresy, lgbt, prophesy

Let Love be Love

April 5, 2019 by Guest

Nicole is a mother, feminist, and activist living in the Salt Lake Valley with her partner Kerstin and blended family of seven. She credits the women in her life for shaping her values and her hope for a world filled with compassion, authenticity, and uncompromising love.

It’s so hard to find any words to express my feelings about the news about the changed policy.

I type and delete and type and delete.

I couldn’t find the right words because I couldn’t find words that were true enough to myself, but that I thought would be safe from hurting or offending my family who are still members. I love my family very much and they have been so great with Kerstin and me. Since they’ve been so careful not to hurt us, I really, really don’t want to hurt them.

I think I’d just like to describe my dream world. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Children, Church Programs, Current Events, Doctrine & Policy, Family, Gender & Sexuality, Guest Post, Marriage, Mormon, Religion Tagged With: apologies, apostasy, change, exclusion, family, gay, homosexuality, lgbt, love, policy, pox, unconditional love

On Chastity and Closed Doors

April 3, 2019 by Carolyn

I have a fondness for cheesy Christian romance novels. Their plots feature all of the emotional turmoil and external drama of harlequin romance novels – but they add faith crises and subtract sex.

One trope in these novels is to set up a wicked foil to the wholesome protagonist. In-need-of-repentance characters lurk in the subplots, steeped in dark allusions and transgressed boundaries. Think of Mr. Wickham in Pride and Prejudice. Jane Austen evinces plenty of scandal, yet there are zero explicit mentions of sex.

In order to stay “clean,” Christian novelists have learned to invoke religiously-tinged shame by writing proxies for sex. All “sin” happens off-screen. A common scene is the chance encounter after dark. A woman stands in the shadows, heart pounding, face lit by candlelight. A man with a half-unbuttoned shirt leans against a doorframe. After two pages of banter, he steps across the threshold. The door shuts. The chapter ends. At that moment, the reader is cued to assume the characters had sex. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Doctrine & Policy, Family, Gender & Sexuality, Marriage, Men, Mormon, Women, Young Men, Young Women Tagged With: chastity, consent, Honor Code, romance, sex